Funny Monday; amusing stories and pictures from around the world

And so it begins…. another Monday and another series of funnies, courtesy of a Different Angle. Enjoy!

Only in America… A female employee of Eastman Kodak is suing the company under the Americans With Disabilities Act. The woman claims she suffers from ‘seasonal affective disorder’, a form of depression, and wants Kodak to provide more light where she works – in a photographic darkroom!
Crossed emails.“That little sex kitten has been driving me wild. She’s moaning and begging for it every minute. Last night I was afraid someone would hear, and we’d be thrown out of the building. But don’t worry — all is arranged. Wednesday she gets the knife”.Suspecting that a crime was in the making., the employee’s boss, who had intercepted this email, alerted the authorities. The man was arrested on the spot and spent an uncomfortable night discussing the situation with the police. However, was released in the morning, just in time to get his female cat to the vet for spaying. The man was quoted as saying, “Here’s another example of how a small pussy can get you into trouble.” He’s considering legal action for invasion of privacy.
Greedy witness. “Will the person who took a slice of cake from the Commissioner’s Office return it immediately. It is needed as evidence in a poisoning case.”

Sexy moaner. A sex line caller complained to Trading Standards after dialling an 0891 number from an advertisement entitled “Hear Me Moan”, the caller was played a tape of a woman nagging her husband for failing to do jobs around the house. Consumer Watchdogs in Dorset refused to look into the complaint, saying, “He got what he deserved.”

School Exams: “Name the four seasons – Salt, mustard, pepper, vinegar”.
“What is artificial respiration commonly known as? – The Kiss of Death”.
“Name a major disease associated with smoking – premature death.”
“The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader”
“Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.”
“For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down to make Artificial Perspiration.”