Universal truths
- Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
- At the end of every pub crawl, there’s always a girl crying.
- One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
- You’re never quite sure whether it’s ok to eat green crisps.
- Reading when you’re drunk is horrible.
- Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
- You’re never quite sure whether it’s against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
- Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
- You never know where to look when eating a banana.
- Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
- Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
- Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
- You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
- The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
- Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
- Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
- Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
- Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
- Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
- Old ladies can eat more than you think.
- You can’t respect a man who carries a dog.
- There’s no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you’ve got your hand or head stuck in something.
- No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
- Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
- One of the most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
- People who don’t drive slam car doors too hard
- You’ve turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
- Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
- Bricks are horrible to carry.
- In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
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1 Comment
Number 24….. I have met a lady who was all black and blue bruises with a broken arm caused by a swan.