Universal truths

  1. Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
  2. At the end of every pub crawl, there’s always a girl crying.
  3. One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
  4. You’re never quite sure whether it’s ok to eat green crisps.
  5. Reading when you’re drunk is horrible.
  6. Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
  7. You’re never quite sure whether it’s against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
  8. Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
  9. You never know where to look when eating a banana.
  10. Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
  11. Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
  12. Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
  13. You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
  14. The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
  15. Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
  16. Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
  17. Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
  18. Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
  19. Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
  20. Old ladies can eat more than you think.
  21. You can’t respect a man who carries a dog.
  22. There’s no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you’ve got your hand or head stuck in something.
  23. No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
  24. Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
  25. One of the most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
  26. People who don’t drive slam car doors too hard
  27. You’ve turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
  28. Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
  29. Bricks are horrible to carry.
  30.  In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

1 Comment

  1. Number 24….. I have met a lady who was all black and blue bruises with a broken arm caused by a swan.

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