20 Rules for men (by women)

1. Eastenders’ omnibus edition is over an hour long, this would be the perfect time to mow the lawn, tinker with the car, or any of the 20 other things we have to constantly remind you to do.
2. A barbecue outside on the patio does not constitute a fine dinner out. (Citronella candles do NOT set a romantic mood either)
3. Go on, admit it. You secretly like us calling you at work or when you’ve been out of our sight for what we believe is a long time.
4. Shorts and white socks with sandals is NOT sexy.
5. While we all should be in the spirit of recycling, shouldn’t you give up wearing the bubble gum coloured, ‘holy’ underwear, even if some are placed just so?
6. We already know what you are thinking. Sometimes we just need clarification.
7. Don’t complain about OUR vast array of shoes, and we won’t pick on you about YOUR vast collection of trainers for every occasion.
8. Things you can help with: fixing things that don’t need to be fixed, holding the instruction manuals while we put the new things together, and lighting a fire.
9. Shopping IS a spectator sport, and you are the lucky spectator. Accept this harsh reality, as will we when the roles reverse, say, at the  local gadget or electronics store.
10. How is it that men seem to lose their way to the laundry room after marriage? We know you did it before you married us, we’ve seen the pink sheen on your supposedly white underwear.
11. Football matches are pretty well covered on TV, that’s not including the dissection time in between breaks by has-been footballers. So, if you miss something due to us talking to you, chances are you’ll hear all about it afterwards anyway, so relax.
12. We appreciate your input on most issues, but that excludes our favourite programs. A recap complete with intervals of “I can’t believe you’re making me watch this” are unnecessary.
13. Women have a better sense of direction than men. Accept it.
14. When lost without satellite navigation, asking for directions really is okay. Swearing at us whilst driving around aimlessly is not.
15. Towels dry faster when they are hung up on the towel rod not crumpled on the floor along with your dirty socks.
16. Take time to smell the flowers. Then bring some home to remind us how much you care.
17. And no, sex in the morning is no substitute for saying “I love you.”
18. Don’t bother showing us where the oil and washer fluid goes in our car or even how to fix it. This is one of the many reasons why we married you.
19. A grunt is seldom an answer to any question.
20. Burping is not sexy.