Smile, here are some sound bites from the court room

The following are actual transcript excerpts from the American court room.  They’re so unbelievable that they’re now featured in a book called “Law and Disorder”. 

• Q: “What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?”A: “He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
  Q: “And why did that upset you?”
  A: “My name is Susan!”

• Q:  “Are you sexually active?”
  A: “No, I just lie there.”

• Q: “Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person died in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?”
  A: “Did you actually pass the bar exam?”

• Q: “This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?”
  A: “Yes.”
  Q: “And in what ways does it affect your memory?”
  A: “I forget.
  Q: “You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?”

• Q: “The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?”
  A: “He’s twenty, much like your IQ.”

• Q: “Were you present when your picture was taken?”
  A: “Are you kidding me?”

• Q: “So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?”
  A: “Yes.”
  Q: “And what were you doing at that time?”
  A: “Getting laid”

• Q: “She had three children, right?”
  A: “Yes.”
  Q: “How many were boys?”
  A: “None.”
  Q: “Were there any girls?”
  A: “Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?”

• Q: “How was your first marriage terminated?”
  A: “By death.” Q: “And by whose death was it terminated?”
  A: “Take a guess.”

• Q: “Can you describe the individual?”
  A: “He was about medium height and had a beard.”
  A: “Was this a male or a female?”
  A: “Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.”

• Q: “Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?”
  A: “All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.”

• Q: “ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?”
  A: “Oral.”

• Q: “Are you qualified to give a urine sample?”
  A: “Are you qualified to ask that question?”

• Q: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”
  A: “No.”
  Q: “Did you check for blood pressure?”
  A: “No.” Q:
  “Did you check for breathing?”
  A: “No.”
  Q: “Is it possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?”
  A: “No.”
  Q: “How can you be so sure, Doctor?”
  A: “His brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”
  A: “I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?”
  A: “Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.”