Smile, here are some sound bites from the cabin crew

It’s holiday season! Rest, relaxation and a lot of laughs…here are some sound bites from
the cabin crew to get you into the spirit of things. 

(Unconventional American Southwest Airlines (SW) has no assigned seating (just sit where you want). Passengers were having a hard time passengers were having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, “People, people we’re not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!”

On a Continental flight, the pilot said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”

Southwest  flight, on landing,  the flight attendant said, “Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have. Do not leave children or spouses.”

“Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”

After a bumpy landing, “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the captain taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate!”

“Welcome aboard SW flight to Tampa. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, it works just like every other seat belt. If you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.”

Southwest flight, “In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. Secure your mask before assisting anybody with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite.”

“Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than SW.”

After a particularly bad landing, a pilot had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye (as they disembarked), thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had left except for a little old lady who said, “Sonny, did we land or were we shot down?”

“We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight.”

After another SW rough landing in Dallas, “Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we’ll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.”

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City the flight attendant came on the intercom and said, “That was quite a bump, and I know what y’all are thinking. I’m here to tell you it wasn’t the airline’s fault, it wasn’t the pilot’s fault, it wasn’t the flight attendant’s fault, it was the asphalt.”

Part of a flight attendant’s arrival announcement: “We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of US Airways.”

Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. “Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light ’em, you can smoke ’em.”

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax.. OH, MY GOD!” Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!” A passenger in Coach yelled, “That’s nothing. You should see the back of mine.”

 If you have some sound bites to add, please share them by leaving a comment below.